A Beginning...One of Those Days

Good evening!! Thanks ahead of time for reading! I want to thank you right up front, because you just might not make it to the end. I'm feeling particularly whiny, which is not a positive way to start an endeavor like this, but as my five year old son - we'll call him "Bubba" - would say "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" Along with Bubba, I've birthed two girls, four year old "Sis" and three year old "C. Bear". You're probably thinking 3, 4, and 5?!? The answer is yes - 3 kids in 33 months. Crazy? I love it - most of the time. Tonight, however, is not one of those times. Tonight, if I see my children walk down the stairs, I just might walk out of the house and drive away.

Yeah...it's been one of those days. Most of my days feel like one of those days. No matter what I do, many nights I go to bed feeling like I've failed, hoping I haven't scarred the kids for life. I think back to the tone or volume I've said things in...many times before 9 AM, during the mad dash to school...sometimes I hear the echos of those three little voices using those same awful tones I've used, resounding in my head like nails on a chalkboard. I pray for God's guidance and His grace many times throughout the day and I know He's by my side, holding my hand. But, the struggle comes in helping my children see him through me. I don't want God to be invisible to them through my actions. If you know me, you might be surprised to hear me talk like this. I would say most people would say I'm a great mom. So, here's the question - why don't I see it that way? I'm sure there are many other moms out there like me. Yes, part of the problem might be the secrets we keep about our imperfection -- like the two bags of laundry that have been in my car since company came last week or how sometimes I make my kids go to bed for rest time just so I can sit on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and not have to share. So, obviously these things don't make me a bad mother, so here's the question: why do they make me feel like one? How do we translate what we know in our logical minds to how we feel in our emotional heart? I'd really like some feedback on this...it's something I've often pondered and I never seem to come up with a conclusion.

Ok....enough of the heavy stuff...next post will be an intro into my life, that is, if I haven't scared you away with this one!!